“Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you.” (1 Peter 5:7, MSG)
I’m working on being more vulnerable. It’s a very uncomfortable thing for me. I’d much prefer being guarded and hidden from others. That’s a part of why I am not very active on social media. Can I trust? Is a constant question rolling around in my brain. Put there at a very young age. I’ve believed that God was not trustworthy since I was diagnosed with diabetes at 12. Our relationship has been in the process of being repaired since then, but I can’t say that I think God is careful with me. Would you?
I’ve recently begun reading a book called Your Beautiful Purpose. I left my job in advertising during mine and Andrew’s engagement. I know God called me out of there, but I’m not positive what he’s calling me into now. My attitude towards purpose has previously been an anxiety ridden search for greener grass. A search that has not gone so well. And the place I’m in now I feel is one of waiting. I know God is changing me to be the person he wants me to be so I’m ready for what he has in store. The waiting isn’t sitting on the bench though, it’s an important part of the journey. This portion of the book I’m reading really resonated with me.
“God led me away from my calling to a place of submission and obedience…while these seasons bore fruit, they also revealed glaring weaknesses in me like fear, anxiety, insecurity, ambition and impatience. The runaway bride in me longed to cut and run and get out of the house of mirrors, but God wouldn’t release me from my duties. Besides, anywhere I’d try to run, there I’d find myself.” (Susie Larson, Your Beautiful Purpose)
It’s been a difficult experience for me, learning that maybe my discontentment has nothing to do with my job and it has everything to do with me. I thought if I pushed hard enough and long enough I could make anything happen. But that’s been exhausting and I have little to show for my effort. I didn’t realize it was my pride keeping me from allowing God to do whatever he wanted with my life. The rest of the 1 Peter verse from above is “God has had it with the proud, but takes delight in just plain people. So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you; he’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you.” (1 Peter 5:5-7, MSG)
When I was living in Nashville, trying (and failing) to make it work out there. God spoke this to me before he brought me back to Greenville.
"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her." (Hosea 2:14, NIV)
That’s when I realized, God had me. My running wasn’t working. Everywhere I went, he fenced me in. I could never get away from myself. I didn’t think that God was that concerned with every little detail of my life. I thought he would leave me to it unless I really messed up. But that’s not consistent with the God that the Bible talks about.
“Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.” (Proverbs 3:5-6, MSG)
I don’t know where God wants me to go. I’m learning to hold plans loosely. I want to learn to live carefree before the Lord and to trust him. Because he is most careful with me. And with you too.